INSIDE THE DIRECTORS NOTEBOOK
by Mickey5
Summary: THE ERSATZ ELEVATOR NOW UP!!! PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! FANTASY CASTING IS NOW OFFICIALLY OPEN! COME ON IN PEOPLE AND START SHOWING OF YOUR ACTING
1. Default Chapter

Inside the Director's Notebook  
  
O.K, I realized that my trailer for The Bad Beginning was more of a T.V shot so I'm reduing all over in a whole new document and everything. I hope you all like it!  
  
Like ' The Farting Menace ' I realize some of my info may be wrong but I seriously dont care. Oh yeah. I used 'Hedwig's Theme from Harry Potter because I didnt know any music that would fit the Unfortunate Event Films except for Celine Dions ' Thats the Way It Is '  
  
Ahem.........  
  
WE SEE THE DREAM WORKS LOGO SWIRL INTO VIEW AS THE TRAILER STARTS.  
  
WE SEE A HOUSE ENGULFED IN FIRE. THE WORDS A BARRY SONNEFIELD FILM SWIRL INTO VIEW. THEN THERE IS A BIG BLAST AS HEDWIGS THEME STARTS.  
THE WORDS ' STARRING JIM CARREY ' SWIRLS INTO VIEW IN FORGET - ME - NOT BLUE.  
  
THEN WE HEAR PLEASANT WINDS. THE SCREEN IS BLACK. AND THEN A PICTURE OF A BEACH SLOWLY COMES INTO VIEW.  
  
NARRARATOR - Not to long ago......  
  
SEE A FLASH OF VIOLET SKIPPING ROCKS. KLAUS EXAMINING A CRAB. SUNNY BITING A PIECE OF WOOD.  
  
NARRARATOR - Three Children payed a visit to Briny Beach.  
  
SEE MR.POE WALKING TOWARD THE BAUDELAIRES IN ALL THE FOG.  
  
NARRARATOR - But never did Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire think that one trip to the beach-  
  
WE SEE A FLASH OF COUNT OLAFS TATTOO.  
  
Mr.Poe - Your parents have perished in a fire that destroyed the entire house. I am very sorry to tell you this my dears.  
  
NARRARATOR - Would turn into an Unfortunate Journey of a lifetime.  
  
WE SEE MR.POE AND THE BAUDELAIRES WALK UP THE STEPS OF COUNT OLAFS HOUSE. THE DOOR SWINGS OPEN. FINALLY, WE SEE COUNT OLAF. THE CHILDREN GASP.  
  
COUNT OLAF - Hello, Hello, Hello. Welcome to my home.  
  
NARRARATOR - They quickly learned that A Series of Unfortunate Events can happen to anyone.  
  
Starring ( whoever plays Violet appears. I'm going to do fantasy csting later if anyone is interested) . appears in Forget - me - not blue.  
  
VIOLET - (reading a note from Count Olaf. )  
  
Dear orphans ,  
  
I need you three to cook for myself and my theater troupe tonight. That's ten people. Please have it ready by 7:00 sharp.  
  
STARRING ( WHOEVER PLAYS KLAUS )  
  
KLAUS - None of us now how to cook!  
  
VIOLET - I know. We will just have to learn.  
  
NARRARATOR - But learning wasnt enough for Count Olaf.  
  
SEE KLAUS FALL TO THE KITCHEN FLOOR INCHES AWAY FROM COUNT OLAFS TATTOO.  
  
NARRARATOR - But the children learned -  
  
HOOK HANDED MAN - If I know you Olaf, you ' ll find a way to get your hands on the Baudelaire fortune.  
  
COUNT OLAF - Maybe I will. Maybe I will.  
  
NARRARATOR - That all their new guardien was interested in was their fortune.  
  
KLAUS - We have to get out of here.  
  
THE WORDS STARRING ( WHOEVER PLAYS SUNNY APPEARS )   
  
SUNNY - Yes!  
  
NARRARATOR - But we all know to win something -  
  
SEE VIOLET MAKING THE GRAPPLING HOOK . KLAUS READING NUPTIAL LAW. SUNNY IN THE BIRD CAGE. VIOLET AND KLAUS READING BOOKS IN JUSTICE STRAUSS'S LIBRARY. SUNNY HELPING IN THE GARDEN. A TEAR TRICKLING DOWN VIOLET'S CHEEK AS SHE SIGNS HER NAME.  
  
NARARATOR - You first have to win -  
  
SEE HOOK HANDED MAN GRAB VIOLET'S GRAPPLING HOOK.  
  
NARRARATOR - A match.  
  
A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS - THE BAD BEGINNING SWIRLS INTO VIEW IN FORGET- ME - NOT BLUE.  
  
IN THEATERS EVERYWHERE WINTER 2003   
A PREVIEW OF THE REPTILE ROOM :  
  
KLAUS - Uncle Monty! Uncle monty!?!  
  
THE DOOR OF THE REPTILE ROOM SQUEAKS OPEN.  
  
SUNNY - Monty?  
  
VIOLET - Uncle Monty where are you?  
  
A LAMP FLICKERS ON.  
  
VIOLET - * screams * 


	2. THE REPTILE ROOM

Mickey's Ideas The Reptile Room For the Unfortunate Event Film Trailers.  
  
Director - Barry Sonnefield  
Starring - Jim Carrey  
By - Dreamworks  
Main Song - Hedwigs Theme  
Title - The Reptile Room  
Genre - Horror / Drama  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ _________  
  
SWIRL INTO VIEW IN ACID GREEN PRINT.  
  
NARRARATOR - The Baudelaire parents died in a house fire.....  
  
NARRARATOR - ...... leaving their children and fortune behind -  
  
NARRARATOR - Now their children ...  
  
NARRARATOR - .... are off to live with a new guardien .  
  
VIOLET- Mr.Poe, who is our new guardien ?  
  
MR.POE - His name is Montgomery Montgomery. He's a scientist of some sort.  
  
KLAUS - * snorts quietly *  
  
MR.POE - ( ignores Klaus.) His assistant left a few weeks ago, so I'm sure he needs all the help he can get.  
  
VIOLET - What sort of science are you interested in Uncle Monty?  
  
UNCLE MONTY - I study herpetology, the study of -  
  
UNCLE MONTY - SNAKES!  
  
KLAUS - Amazing!  
  
VIOLET - Interesting !  
  
UNCLE MONTY - I want to let you know, that no harm can come to you in the Reptile Room.  
  
NARRARATOR - The Baudelaires were safe here...  
  
NARRARATOR - Or so they thought.  
  
NARRARATOR - Count Olaf had found them.  
  
STEPHANO ( C.O ) - You three are in a house full of snakes - it 's an accident waiting to happen -  
  
SWIRL INTO VIEW IN ACID GREEN PRINT   
  
VIOLET - We're safe here.  
  
STEPHANO ( C.O ) - I wouldn't be so sure. Accidents happen ALL THE TIME .  
  
NARRARATOR - And he was right.  
  
KLAUS - Uncle Monty? Uncle Monty ?!?  
  
SUNNY - Monty?  
  
VIOLET - Uncle Monty, where are you?  
  
VIOLET - * screams *  
  
SWIRLS INTO VIEW IN ACID GREEN PRINT.   
  
SWIRL INTO VIEW IN ACID GREEN PRINT.   
  
THE END.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ _____  
  
A PREVIEW OF THE WIDE WINDOW.  
  
VIOLET - Hello?  
  
CAPTAIN SHAM - Is this Josephine Anwhistle?  
  
VIOLET - No, this is Violet Baudelaire. May I help you?  
  
CAPTAIN SHAM - Put the old woman on the phone orphan!  
  
VIOLET - I- I'm sorry. Y-you must have the wrong number .  
  
CAPTAIN SHAM - Don't play with me , you wretched girl - 


	3. THE WIDE WINDOW

The Wide Window  
  
THE DREAMWORKS LOGO APPEARS  
  
HEDWIGS THEME SLOWLY STARTS. THE SCREEN IS BLACK, AND THEN THE WORDS APPEAR IN OCEAN BLUE.  
  
NARRARATOR - The town of Lake Lachrymose is as safe as the privacy of your own home.  
  
SEE VIOLET WALKING IN THE SUPERMARKET THEN BUMP INTO SOMEONE.  
  
VIOLET - Oops, I'm so sor-  
  
VIOLET LOOKS UP AND GASPS .  
  
MALE VOICE - Are you alright?  
  
NARRARATOR - Or so they hoped.  
  
SEE A FLASH OF THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS ON DAMOCLES DOCK.  
  
MR.POE - * coughs * Your new guardian is Josephiine Anwhistle. She apologizes for not meeting you here, but she's afraid of the dock.  
  
THE BAUDELAIRES EXCHANGE NERVOUS GLANCES.  
  
KLAUS - I wonder if Aunt Josephine will be a good guardian ?  
  
VIOLET - Can she possibly be worse than Count Olaf?  
  
THE WORDS ( STARRING JIM CARREY ) APPEAR IN OCEAN BLUE PRINT.  
  
SEE THE BAUDELIRES AND THEIR NEW GUARDIAN AT THE KITCHEN TABLE.  
  
AUNT JOESEPHINE - Here's your soup.  
  
KLAUS - Ugh, its cold!  
  
AUNT JOSEPHINE - Yes, I know I'm afraid of the stove. Truhfully , the only thing I'm not afraid of is grammar.  
  
NARRARATOR - But grammar wasn't enough.  
  
(WE HEAR A BIG BANG OF THUNDER FOLLLOWED INSTANTLY BY LIGHTNING. )  
  
(WE CUT BACK TO THE SEECENE IN THE SUPER MARKET. )  
  
MALE WOICE - Are you lost?  
  
VIOLET - N-no , I-I'll just go -  
  
(WE SEE KLAUS, SUNNY AND JOSEPHINE COME UP BEHIND VIOLET. KLAUS AND SUNNY GASP.)  
  
NARRARATOR - Count Olaf ad found them yet again.  
  
(WE HEAR THUNDER AND LIGHTNING AGAIN. THE SOUND GETS LOUDER AND LOUDER. )  
  
VIOLET - Aunt Josephine! Aunt Josephine!  
  
KLAUS - Aunt Joephine?  
  
SUNNY - Josephine!  
  
(WE HEAR GLASS SHATTERING. THEN WE SEE VIOLET, KLAUS AND SUNNY RUNNING INTO THE KITCHEN. KLAUSPICKS UP A NOTE ON THE COUNTER. )  
  
KLAUS - * reading a note *  
  
Dear Violet, Klaus and Sunny ,  
  
By the time you read this note, my life will be at it's end.  
  
(KLAUS LOOKS UP HIS EYES FILLED WITH TEARS. )  
  
VIOLET - Oh no.  
  
(THE MUSIC QUICKENS. WE CUT TO A SCENE WITH KLAUS IN AUNT JOSEPHINE'S LIBRARAY. VIOLET AND SUNNY BURST IN.)  
  
VIOLET - Did you find out anything ?  
  
KLAUS - * grins * Curdled Cave.  
  
SUNNY - Curdled what?  
  
NARRARATOR - The journey continues ...  
  
(SEE THE BAUDELAIRES IN TH ESAILBOAT ; VIOLET PULLING ON A ROPE ; KLAUS READING AN ATLAS AND SUNNY MOVING THE BOAT TILLER.)  
  
NARRARATOR - ... as the Baudelaires search for a life full of happiness and peace.  
  
(MUSIC SLOWLY STOPS. WE HEAR THE TELEPHONE RINGING. WE SEE VIOLET WALK UP TO THE PHONE AND PICK IT UP. )  
  
VIOLET - Hello ?  
  
CAPTAIN SHAM - Is this Josephine Anwhistle?  
  
VIOLET - No, this is Violet Baudelaire. May I help you?  
  
CAPTAIN SHAM - Put the old woman on the phone orphan!  
  
SEE VIOLET LOOK TERRIFIED.  
  
VIOLET - I-I'm sorry. Y-you must h-have the wrong number.  
  
CAPTAIN SHAM - Dont play with me, you wrethched girl -  
  
(THE SCREEN GOES BLACK. WE HEAR THE DISTANT SOUND OF A TELEPHONE LINE.  
  
THEN THE WORDS ( LIVE THE JOURNEY WINTER 2004 ) SWIRL INTO VIEW IN OCEAN BLUE. )  
  
A PREVIEW OF THE MISERABLE MILL  
  
WE SEE THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS WALK UP TO THE GATE OF LUCKY SMELLS LUMBERMILL. ( LUCKY SMELLS LUMBERMILL ) IS WRITTEN IN CHEWED UP GUM.  
  
KLAUS - No , it can't be - Violet look.  
  
VIOLET - I know, its written in chewed up gum.  
  
KLAUS - No, look .  
  
THE CAMERA SLOWLY GOES UP A NEARBY BUILDING WHICH IS THE EXACT SAME SHAPE, AND COLOR AS COUNT OLAF'S TATTOO.  
  
ALL 3 BAUDELAIRES - * gasp * 


	4. FANTASY CASTING

Fantasy Casting !!!  
  
Ok, the auditions are now officially open! I need someone who has had experience in acting and has read all the books. Email me at gryffindor_chick_@hotmail.com to audition, or audition in your reviews.  
  
So far, I need people to play the role of -  
  
VIOLET  
  
KLAUS  
  
SUNNY  
  
THE THEATER TROUPE  
  
JUSTICE STRAUSS  
  
MR.POE  
  
UNCLE MONTY  
  
AUNT JOSEPHINE  
  
CARMLELITA SPATS  
  
DUNCAN QUAGMIRE  
  
V.P NERO  
  
MRS. BASS  
  
MR.REMORA  
  
4 PEOPLE TO PLAY ROLES FROM THE TOWN COUNCIL  
  
BABS  
  
HUGO  
  
COLLETTE  
  
KEVIN  
  
MME. LULU  
  
JACQUES SNICKET  
  
ESME SQUALOR  
  
JEROME SQUALOR  
  
**************************************************************************** ******  
  
SO, PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR COUNT OLAF, ( JIM CARREY ) AND ISADORA QUAGMIRE WHO IS PLAYED BY MOI.  
  
ANYWAYS, WHEN YOU AUDITION I NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOUR USERNAME IS , YOUR EMAIL ( OPTIONAL ) , WHY YOU THINK YOU SHOULD PLAY THE CHARACTER, YOUR TALENTS AND SKILLS, YOUR AGE AND GENRE ( OPTIONAL ) AND A BIT MORE ABOUT YOU ( OPTIONAL ).  
  
* NOTE * - YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW HOW TO ACT PROFESSIONALLY, BUT I NEED SOMEONE WHO WILL TAKE IT SERIOUSLY AND NOT BRAG LIKE I ONCE DID AND CAUSED A BIG MISTAKE. :D  
  
SO PLEASE READ AND REVIEW MY TRAILERS, AND I CANT WAIT TO GET THE AUDITIONS STARTED!  
  
YOURS TRULY,  
  
MICKEY 


	5. THE MISERABLE MILL

Mickey's Ideas for the Unfortunate Event Film Trailers. THE MISERABLE MILL  
  
(THE DREAMWORKS LOGO APPEARS. )  
  
( THE SCREEN THEN GOES BLACK. THEN THE WORDS A BARRY SONNEFIELD FILM SHOW UP ON A PIECE OF WOOD IN CHEWED UP GUM. )  
  
NARRARATOR - Lucky Smells Lumbermill is a very small buissness place -  
  
( SHOW A FLASH OF THE PINCHER MACHINE.)  
  
NARRARATOR - ... but to the Baudelaire orphans, its big trouble.  
  
( HEDWIGS THEME SLOWLY BEGINS TO START.)  
  
(WE SEE THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS WALK UP TO THE GATE OF LUCKY SMELLS LUMBERMILL THE WORDS " LUCKY SMELLS LUMBERMILL " IS WRITTEN IN CHEWED UP GUM.)  
  
KLAUS - No, it can't be. Violet look.  
  
VIOLET - ( impatiently ) I know. Its written in chewed up gum.  
  
KLAUS -No, look.  
  
( THE CAMERA SLOWLY GOES UP A NEARBY BUILDING WHICH IS THE EXACT SAME SHAPE AND COLOR AS COUNT OLAF'S TATTOO. )  
  
ALL 3 BAUDELAIRES - * gasps *  
  
NARRARATOR - Its more misfortune for the Baudelaire orphans .  
  
( SHOW THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS COVERED IN SAWDUST.)  
  
NARRARATOR - First off, they are forced to work in the lumbermill. Secondly, they have a nasty Foreman named Flacutono, and number three Count Olaf is very nearby.  
  
( WE SEE FOREMAN FLACUTONO BANGING HIS POTS TOGETHER AND THEN THE POTS SUDDENLY DROP.)  
  
( WE SEE KLAUS RUNNING QUICKLY TO PICK THE POTS UP. FOREMAN FLACUTONO STICKS OUT HIS FOOT. KLAUS FALLS TO THE FLOOR OF THE MILL.)  
  
KLAUS - Hey, you tripped me!  
  
F.FLACUTONO - I don't know what you're talking about. Oh dear, it looks like your glasses are broken. Why don't you go to the building in the shape of an eye and get a new pair ?  
  
( WE SEE A MAN COME AND TAKE KLAUS BY THE ARM AND LEAD HIM OUT OF THE MILL.)  
  
KLAUS - No, please help me !  
  
NARRARATOR -It's more misery and despair for the Baudelaire orphans.  
  
( SHOW A FLASH OF KLAUS OPENING THE GATE OF THE MILL, AND HE WALKS VERY SLOWLY SLOWLY ACROSS THE COURTYARD.)  
  
SUNNY - Klaus!  
  
VIOLET - Klaus ,your back !  
  
( SEE VIOLET RUN UP TO HIM AND GIVE HIM A HUG. KLAUS GIVES HIS SISTERS A LOOK AS THOUGH HE JUST MET THEM. )  
  
KLAUS - Where am I?  
  
VIOLET - Klaus, you are at the Lucky Smells Lumbermill.  
  
( KLAUS'S EYES GO VERY WIDE. )  
  
KLAUS - Yes sir.  
  
( THE 2 BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS EXCHANGE GLANCES. )  
  
VIOLET - Something is very wrong.  
  
( THE MUSIC QUICKENS. )  
  
( WE SEE KLAUS WORKING THE PINCHER MACHINE. VIOLET READING A BIG BOOK. SUNNY IN THE SWORDFIGHT WITH DR. ORWELL. THEN SEE A BIG FLAT STONE COME DOWN ON A MAN'S LEG . EVERYONE TURNS T KLAUS WHO WAS CONTROLLING THE MACHINE.  
  
SIR - I was informed one of you caused an accident today , accidents are caused by ba workers -  
  
( SHOW THE DAMAGED PINCHER MACHINE. )  
  
SIR - A nice young lady named Shirley is more than happy to take you in if you cause anymore accidents.  
  
SUNNY - Shirley?  
  
( SHOW A FLASH OF A WOMAN WHO REALLY LOOKS LIKE A MAN. )  
  
( THE WORDS " STARRING JIM CARREY " APPEAR ON A PIECE OF A BROWN BOARD, IN CHEWED UP GUM.)  
  
CUT TO SCENE IS SIR'S OFFICE.  
  
VIOLET - SHES NOT SHIRLEY! Its Count Olaf!  
  
MUSIC GETS EVEN FASTER. WE SEE KLAUS WALKING TOWARDS A LOG, PUSHING IT CLOSER TO THE SAW.  
  
VIOLET - Klaus, no!  
  
THE MUSIC STOPS WITH A BIG BLAST . THEN THE WORDS  
  
THE MISERY CONTINUES SPRING 2005 APPEAR ON A PIECE OF BROWN BOARDS IN CHEWED UP GUM.  
  
A PREVIEW OF THE AUSTERE ACADEMY  
  
AN ARCHWAY THAT HAS ' MEMENTO MORI ' WRITTEN ON IT COMES INTO VIEW.  
  
VIOLET -Memento mori - Remember you will die.  
  
KLAUS - * repeats softly * - Remember you will die.  
  
VIOLET - * trns to siblings * Lets promise b4 we die we'll solve the mystery that lead us to our misery.  
  
THE WORDS ' MEMENTO MORI ' MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPEAR ON THE ARCHWAY AND THE WORDS ' SOME MYSTERIES JUST WONT DIE ' APPEAR ON THE ARCHWAY IN SHIMMERING SILVER PRINT.  
  
ALL 3 BAUDELAIRES NOD IN SOLEMN AGREEMENT TO WHAT VIOLET SAID. 


	6. THE AUSTERE ACADEMY

THE AUSTERE ACADEMY  
  
THE DREAMWORKS LOGO APPEARS.  
  
THE SCREEN IS BLACK THEN THE WORDS A BARRY SONNEFIELD FILM APPEAR IN PLUM PURPLE ON A STONE ARCHWAY AS HEDWIGS THEME SLOWLY STARTS .  
  
A PICTURE OF A SCHOOL THAT REALLY LOOKS LIKE A GRAVEYARD COMES INTO VIEW WITH A STONE ARCHWAY THAT READS ' MEMENTO MORI '  
  
VIOLET - * whispers to Klaus * What does Memento Mori mean?  
  
KLAUS - If I'm not mistaken, its in Latin. If it means what I think it means its a surely strange motto, especially for a school.  
  
VIOLET - Well, what?  
  
KLAUS - It means - It means ' Remember you will die . '  
  
VIOLET - * says softly * Remember you will die .  
  
NARRARATOR - Its more misfortune for the Baudelaires -  
  
VICE .P NERO - Welcome to Prufrock Prepararatory School. Instead of staying in the dorm -  
  
A FLASH OF A BEAUTIFUL CIRCULAR ROOM WITH FOUR POSTER BEDS APPEARS.  
  
VICE P. NERO - You will be staying in the orphans shack .  
  
A FLASH OF A HORRIBLE ROOM WITH BALES OF HAY FOR BEDS, FUNGUS ON THE CEILING AND CLICKING ANNOYING CRABS APPEAR.  
  
A FLASH OF A BOY AND A GIRL WHO LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE APPEAR.  
  
NARRARATOR - Well, the good news is they found friends, what they needed most -  
  
BOY - I'm Duncan Quagmire.  
  
GIRL - I'm Isadora .  
  
NARRARATOR - But that doesn't mean their misfortune is over.  
  
A FLASH OF A CREEPY, SNEAKY LOOKING MAN WITH A TRACK SUIT AND TURBAN APPEAR.  
  
VIOLET - Count Olaf has found us again.  
  
COACH GENGHIS ( C.O ) - I am your Coach Genghis. Orphans are great at running so you three may be useful to me.  
  
THE FLASH OF THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS PAINTING THE LUMINOUS CIRCLE APPEAR.  
  
COACH GENGHIS ( C. O ) - You three will take part in my S.O.R.E program which stands for Special Orphan Running Exercices .  
  
A FLASH OF THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS RUNNING LAPS APPEAR.  
  
KLAUS - * yawns * We've been running every night now for nine days straight and we havent found out Olaf's plan yet.  
  
DUNCAN - We'll help you.  
  
THE MUSIC QUICKENS. THE WORDS STARRING JIM CARREY APPEAR IN PLUM PURPLE ON THE STONE ARCHWAY.  
  
WE SEE VIOLET FALL ASLEEP ON TOP OF HER NOTEBOOK, KLAUS ON HIS MATH BOOK AND SUNNY SLEEPING ON A KEYBOARD.  
  
VIOLET - Dont you see? Genghis knew we'd get tired and flunk our classes! He's trying to homeschool us !  
  
A FLASH OF A LONG BLACK CAR APPEARS, DRIVING OVER SPEED. KLAUS IS RUNNING AFTER THE CAR.  
  
KLAUS - Duncan, Isadora !  
  
ISADORA - Klaus, help us !  
  
KLAUS - I'm trying , the car is going to fast !  
  
DUNCAN - * in a tired , breathless voice * Klaus, listen to me ! Find V.F.D!  
  
KLAUS - Don't worry , we will !  
  
THE MUSIC GOES SLOWER . WE SEE THE BAUDELAIRES LOOKING UP AT THE ARCHWAY AGAIN.  
  
VIOLET - Let's promise before we die we will solve the mystery of V.F.D  
  
THE WORDS MEMENTO MORI MYSTERIOUSLY DISSAPEAR ON THE ARCHWAY AND THE WORDS SOME MYSTERIES JUST WON'T DIE APPEAR ON THE ARCHWAY IN SHINY SILVER.  
  
ALL 3 BAUDELAIRES NOD IN AGREEMENT .  
  
HEDWIGS THEME STOPS WITH A BIG BLAST. THEN THE WORDS A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS - THE AUSTERE ACADEMY APPEAR ON THE ARCHWAY IN PLUM PURPLE PRINT.  
  
THEN THE WORDS SHARE THE MISERY WINTER 2005 APPEAR ON THE ARCHWAY IN PLUM PURPLE PRINT.  
  
Hope you like it!  
  
I shall now respond to your reviews :  
  
katie janeway : You got Sunny, congrats!  
  
The Farting Menace : No, what I was talking about was in real life. Sorry about that!  
  
White She Devil : You got Esmé! Lol, great audition!  
  
El - Nadador : I can't cast you as Violet yet, because she is a main character and I need more people to audition for her still before I can decide as she is a major role. Sorry!  
  
thegeeky1 : Same thing as El - Nadador, and I need your UserID! 


	7. THE ERSATZ ELEVATOR

THE ERSATZ ELEVATOR  
  
( THE DREAMWORKS LOGO APPEARS )  
  
( THEN THE SCREEN GOES BLACK. A BARRY SONNEFIELD FILM APPEARS IN TREASURE CHEST GOLD ON AN ELEVATOR DOOR. THEN HEDWIGS THEME SLOWLY STARTS. )  
  
NARRARATOR - Everywhere the Baudelaires went , misfortune followed.  
  
( A FLASH OF COUNT OLAFS APPEARS, THE UNCLE MONTY 'S, THEN AUNT JOSEPHINE'S THEN LUCKY SMELLS LUMBERMILL AND PRUFROCK PREP. )  
  
NARRARATOR - Now they're going back to the city where they and their parents lived.  
  
( A FLASH OF A BUSY CITY WITH YELLOW CABS AND LOADS OF TALL BUILDINGS APPEAR . )  
  
NARRARATOR -And I'm pretty sure you think things will get better here...  
  
( A FLASH OF A LARGE, LONG WINDING STAIRCASE APPEARS. )  
  
NARRARATOR - But don't give your hopes up.  
  
( A FLASH OF A NEVER ENDING DEEP BLACK EMPTY ELEVATOR SHAFT APPEARS . )  
  
NARRARATOR - This chapter in the Baudelaire lives has the most twisted, mysterious complicated plot than ever before.  
  
MR.POE - Your new guardians are Mr an Mrs. Squalor, who live in the penthouse apartment of this building you see here.  
  
( A FLASH OF AN APARTMENT BUILDING THAT SAYS 667 DARK AVENUE IN BLACK PRINT ABOVE THE DOOR APPEARS. )  
  
NARRARATOR - They have friends in a dire situation , three mysterious initials and ...  
  
( A FLASH OF A MAN WITH A PINSTRIPE SUIT AND A SMALL MONOCLE APPEARS . )  
  
NARRARATOR - And a liar with an evil scheme.  
  
( A DOORMAN WITH AN OVERSIZED COAT APPEARS COVERING HIS HANDS, SOMEHOW STILL HOLDING A STARFISH. )  
  
DOORMAN - Ocean decorating is in .  
  
VIOLET - Er... in? in what?  
  
DOORMAN - " In " means somethings stylish or appealing.  
  
VIOLET - Oh, but -  
  
DOORMAN - You three look tired.  
  
VIOLET - Well, yes. But we hae sort of a problem.  
  
NARRARATOR - I'm sure I don't have to tell you who had found them again.  
  
DOORMAN - Every problem has a solution. Sometimes it just takes awhile to find that solution - even if its right in front of your nose. ( HE SAYS THIS AS HE GLUES THE STARFISH TO AN ELEVATOR DOOR. )  
  
( KLAUS STARES AT THE DOORMAN THEN TO THE ELEVATOR DOOR. )  
  
( CUT TO SCENE WITH THE BAUDELAIRE CLIMBING DOWN THE ELEVATOR SHAFT, AND SEE THE CAGE WITH THE QUAGMIRES IN IT. ALL 3 BAUDELAIRES GASP. )  
  
DUNCAN - Count Olaf's going to smuggle us out of town in one of the items from the In Auction.  
  
KLAUS - We won't let that happen.  
  
SUNNY - Right !  
  
( SHOW THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS MAKING WELDING TORCHES. )  
  
( A FLASH OF THE EMPTY " QUAGMIRE " CAGE APPEARS )  
  
NARRARATOR - But they were too late.  
  
( CUT TO SCENE IN THE IN AUCTION. )  
  
GUNTHER (C.O) - OK, Lot # 50, which is V.F.D please. Who bid?  
  
( THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER. TEN A SMALL VOICE CRIES 1000! )  
  
( THE CROWD LOOKS AROUND. THE CAMERA GOES ON SUNNY SHRIEKING 1000 .)  
  
NARRARATOR - Things are getting worse as the Baudelaires struggle to solve the complicated mystery that cast a shadow over theitr lives.  
  
( SHOW THE BAUDELAIRES FALLING DOWN THE ELEVATOR SHAFT . )  
  
( A FLASH OF THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS CLIMBING OUT OF THE SECRET PASSAGEWAY AND FIND THEMSELVES IN AN EMPTY VACANT LOT WITH ASHES ALL OVER THE GROUND, THEN FINALLY NOTICING THE MAILMAN NEXT TO THEM WHO LOOKS AWFULLY PALE. )  
  
VIOLET - Excuse me, we need to get to Veblen Hall. Can you tell us where to find it?  
  
MAILMAN - J-just two bl- blocks away. Please don't hurt me.  
  
KLAUS - We're not going to hurt you.  
  
MAILMAN - Ghosts always say that. But, they always hurt you anyways.  
  
VIOLET - But we're not ghosts.  
  
MAILMAN - Don't tell me you're not ghosts. I saw you rise out of the ashes myself. People have always said it's haunted here on the empty lot where the Baudelaire mansion burned down and now I know its true.  
  
( THE BAUDELAIRES LOOK AROUND AND GASP. )  
  
( SHOW THE ASHY REMAINS OF THE BAUDELAIRE MANSION. )  
  
( MUSIC ENDS WITH A BLAST. THEN THE WORDS THE MYSTERY CONTINUES SPRING 2006 APPEAR IN TREASURE CHEST GOLD ON AN ELEVATOR DOOR . )  
  
Like it? Well please R&R. Keep auditioning ! 


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